they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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