I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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