Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
