Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
