my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
