is wine microwaveable?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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