He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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