now i know why i became what i already was.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Come on in and take your pants off
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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