I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
