you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
