my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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