I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
