Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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