Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the night ended with taco bell and tears
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
