Banned from zoo.
Again?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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