I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
