I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
