Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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