yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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