Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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