I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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