wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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