You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
