You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
