Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
