if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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