i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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