What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
