somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
