can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
