i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
