talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Pants are for mortals
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
