Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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