So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
