I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
