I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
