I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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