The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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