Your tits are I can't wait for
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
