And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
