probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
