get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
