smell my finger.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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