His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
