I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
third nipple confirmed
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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