Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
