epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
