just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
