we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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