you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
