So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
PANTIES FOUND
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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