Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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