we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I could fuck to npr.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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