It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
